Effort: Less Son

As a boy I cannot remember ever thinking about the concept of effort.  Everything I did from kickball to arithmetic seemed primed with enthusiasm and a desire to simply do my best.  I think we are all born with that natural instinct.  Then at some point, I lost that natural balance of wanting to do something and being completely content about what I was doing in the moment. At some point my pure desire to experience the truths of life, was replaced with the fear of the future.  I fearfully tried to prepare against it.  I worked hard, long days for hardly any money.  In fact, after working 60 plus hours for years,my restaurant closed and I owed money.  No closer was I, to being fearless (said in Yoda's voice).

I remember being read stories of Brer Rabbit as a young boy, growing up in Durham.  I remember the Tar-Baby and how, through his rage motivated efforts, he managed to get himself completely stuck.

Lots of kids, perhaps, came away with a clear message concerning race relations in the south.  I remember thinking ol’ rabbit was working too hard.  If he would just focus on the Bear necessities….oh wait, that’s a different story. Anyway the lessons  and messages were all around me, “Don’t worry, and don’t work too hard.”  Yet, the exact opposite message was also drumming louder and louder, every school year it seemed, “Work harder and be MORE concerned with the future and what others think you ought to be doing.”  As most of the people espousing the latter philosophy were adults, I dived headfirst into the world of expectations, effort and pride. They were adults after all, they must understand how this life thing is done, right?  Wrong.  Like ‘ol Brer Rabbit I got stuck.  Covered in other people’s ideals, beliefs and goals. The fact is the less you find yourself having to “work” at something, the more likely you are to have a desirable outcome.  Especially if your desired outcome is happiness.

I suppose I need to clarify.

Work is good.  In this life there are certain things that need to  be accomplished if you want to live. You need to hunt buffalo, build your home and collect the firewood (There is a good chance these particular chores will be less relevant by the time you read this). There is some amount of effort needed on your part for simply surviving.  We humans though, we have really upended our garden of ‘Eden’.  I have done it.  Working 40 plus hours a week at  a job we barely  tolerate, pursuing people who barely tolerate us. We’re assured this is how things are accomplished. “Keep at it.” we are told, over and over again.

I remember breaking up with my first ‘real’ girlfriend.  Not the first time I had sex, but the first time I had lived with someone and shared the intimacies of daily life.  I’d say the first woman I ever loved, but I think she was right in the end, I did not love her.  The break up was heart (ego) wrenching and dramatic, at least for me, but we agreed the break-up needed to happen.  She moved far away but for some reason I felt like I needed to pursue her. I guess I had determined that the relationship had only failed because of my lack of effort.  I was sure that I wanted her back, though not completely sure why.  I remember talking to my mom and her saying, “Drew, if you love her, you’ve got to follow her. Go tell her how you feel!”, or something like that.  So, with my mother’s feminine endorsement and financial backing I called the ex to tell her, in my most failing, wobbly and self-possessed demeanor, “I am coming to see you!”  Expecting the afore experienced acquiescence she replied curtly, “Drew, don’t”.  Our relationship did not end as storybooks do.  All the life coaches, who called for effort filled with effort were unceremoniously knocked from their displays. I no longer believed  in the power of effort.  

My Dad used to say, “Son, there is the easy way and then there is the hard way.”  I am not sure he knew what that would come to mean to me.  I don’t put a lot of effort into anything, really, these days. Is that what he meant?  I just do things…...slowly usually. The ancient Celts used to speak of the importance of the Bradan not ‘pushing the river.’  In other words, don’t peddle downhill.  Know when to rest, and when to let things pass by.  Know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em.  Or, as another linguistically challenged poet once wrote, “Que sera, sera.”  Whatever will be will be.  You know what?....... that’s all true, kind of.  I would urge you to ‘do’.  Intend, create and work.  It is satisfying to the soul, if done correctly, and in the right spirit. There are times, though, when all the effort in the world will not change anything. There is a balance to be found in there, somewhere for you. It’s your personal rhytym.  Always do your best and find that rhythm, dear one.  Dance that crazy little dance.  Not the Tar-Baby dance, that one is really boring, unsatisfying and requires a tremendous amount  of clean-up. Try that robot-surfer one you do, that one seems pretty cool.